PARENTING & ADVOCACY

I thought we were on opposite sides

A beach moment brought me back to a disagreement over James’s one-on-one aide—and to gratitude for Roseanne B. With a parent guide to least restrictive environment.

An AUsome Life · October 26, 2026

In this story

James smiling toward the camera on a broad sandy beach, with blue water and sky behind him. — James at the beach. October 2026.

Watching James at the beach yesterday, I wished Roseanne B. could see him.

He was moving across the sand, safely, without an adult right at his side. I was there, watching—and feeling profoundly grateful to the special education director I once thought I was at war with.

Roseanne had decades of experience. She would come to mean a great deal to me. But when I asked for James to have a one-on-one aide, we disagreed.

I believed he needed someone specifically assigned to him. James has substantial support needs, and I wanted to be sure someone would notice when he needed help. Having an adult beside him seemed like the clearest way to make that happen.

She declined. She explained her concern that, for James, the arrangement I was requesting could be more restrictive than he needed.

At the time, that was hard to take in. I was asking for more help. How could that limit him?

Many parents will recognize the feeling. You know school districts have finite resources, and you know your child's needs do not conveniently fit within them. It can be difficult to hear a refusal without feeling that you need to push harder.

I was trying to protect my son. I still am.

The principle behind our disagreement

Roseanne was referring to least restrictive environment, or LRE, a requirement under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA).

In plain language, schools must educate children with disabilities alongside children without disabilities to the maximum extent appropriate. Before moving a child into a separate setting, the team must consider whether education in a general education classroom can work satisfactorily with supplementary aids and services.1

That support is part of the requirement. It can enable a child to participate in classrooms, extracurricular activities, and other parts of school life.2

A one-on-one aide is not automatically a more restrictive placement. For some children, an aide makes inclusion possible. Decisions about support must be grounded in the individual child's needs.1 3

What I appreciate now is the care that question deserved: how could James receive the help he needed while also having opportunities to initiate, make choices, and use his developing skills?

I understand better why Roseanne wanted us to consider how the support would work in practice. Looking back, I am grateful for the experience she brought to that conversation.

James walking across the sand toward the shoreline, photographed from behind with open space around him. — Watching him move across the sand brought that earlier conversation back to me.

What stayed with me yesterday

At the beach, I was thinking about James and the space around him. About being there, paying attention, while he moved without someone immediately beside him.

School placement law does not tell a parent how far away to stand on a beach. But the question Roseanne helped me consider has stayed with me beyond school: where does James need our help, and where can we give him room?

That answer changes with the situation. Yesterday, I could see what that room meant.

I wanted him to have the support he needed. I wanted him to have this freedom, too.

I thought of Roseanne, and of the whole village around James: the teachers, aides, therapists, and family members who have helped him learn and grow. So many people contribute to a child's life through patient, everyday care.

And there was James, using his skills. Moving across the sand. Enjoying his day. I was proud of him, and grateful for the people who have supported him along the way.

The people who help our children grow do not always get to see the moments their care has helped make possible. A school conversation can stay with a parent long after the meeting ends. Yesterday, on a beach, I felt a deeper appreciation for one of ours.

It takes a village. Sometimes you feel the work of that village in a moment when your child has a little more room around him, and you can watch what he does with it.

I once thought Roseanne and I were on opposite sides. Yesterday, I wished she could see James enjoying that space, and know how grateful I am for what she helped me understand.

Roseanne, I thought of you yesterday. Thank you for being part of our village.

A MOMENT FROM THE DAY

James at the beach

An eleven-second family clip, shared alongside the photographs.

James stands and moves across the sand, with the water behind him.

Someone in your village came to mind? Send them this story with a thank-you of your own.

A PARENT'S GUIDE

One-on-one aides and LRE: a parent's guide

What U.S. special education law protects, why it matters, and five questions to take to your next IEP meeting. Open the sections that are useful to you.

What does the law protect—and why does it matter?

IDEA gives eligible children a right to a free appropriate public education, commonly called FAPE. Its LRE provisions protect their opportunity to learn alongside peers without disabilities, with appropriate support, rather than being separated by default.1 4

A child's placement must be based on their IEP and determined by a group that includes parents and people knowledgeable about the child, evaluation information, and placement options. The team must also consider possible harmful effects on the child or the quality of services.3

The goal is an appropriate education with meaningful opportunities to participate. Being physically present in a classroom does not, by itself, explain whether a child's educational needs are being met.

Does least restrictive mean fewer services?

No. Supplementary aids and services are part of IDEA's approach to inclusion. They can support participation in regular classes and other school activities.2

For some children, individual adult assistance helps them access instruction, communication, personal care, or activities. An aide is a support, not automatically a separate educational placement. The team needs to consider what the child requires and how the assistance will be provided.1 5

A practical concern about excessive prompting or adult proximity should be examined in the child's actual circumstances. It is not a blanket reason to withhold needed help.

Five questions for your next IEP meeting

Start with the need. Which parts of the day are difficult? What observations or assessments show where support is required?
Ask for specifics. If the team says an aide would be more restrictive, which opportunities might be limited, and what evidence supports that concern for your child?
Examine the proposed alternative. Who will provide help, when will they be available, and what happens if they are absent?
Include your child's communication. Consider preferences expressed through speech, AAC, gestures, expressions, and other communication.
Plan how to review it. What information will show whether the arrangement is working? When will the team meet again?

These are discussion prompts. The IEP itself must specify services and supports, anticipated frequency, location and duration, and how progress toward annual goals will be measured.5

What if the district says no—or cites limited resources?

Ask for the educational reasons and the information behind the decision. Expertise matters, and parents deserve an explanation grounded in their child's needs.

When a district refuses a requested change concerning identification, evaluation, placement, or provision of FAPE, IDEA requires prior written notice. It must explain the refusal, the assessments or records used, and the other options considered and rejected.6

Staffing or resource shortages do not erase a district's obligation to provide FAPE in the least restrictive environment.7

My gratitude in this story reflects our family's experience. Parents who disagree with a decision can seek information and support through their state's parent training center, an advocate, or a qualified special education attorney.

Where can families find help?

Across the United States: the Center for Parent Information and Resources directory helps families find Parent Training and Information Centers and Community Parent Resource Centers in their state or territory.9

In Massachusetts: Massachusetts DESE's Families & Guardians page links to the state parent guide, procedural safeguards, information about selecting an advocate, and family organizations.

The Federation for Children with Special Needs is another starting point for family information and support.8

A question to bring with you:
“How will this plan meet my child's needs while supporting participation, choice, and opportunities to develop skills—and how will we know whether it is working?”

Law and parent resources

Personal reflection and general educational information, not individualized legal advice. Legal resources checked October 26, 2026. Photographs and video supplied by the author.

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Send this to someone in your child’s village, or pass the IEP questions along to a parent preparing for a school meeting.

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